I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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