Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
