Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
