you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
