fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
