her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
