Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
