A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
