your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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