I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
