I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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