Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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