If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
