She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think I sprained my soul last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
