you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
being pregnant is like rehab
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
