He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
