I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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