Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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