Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize