I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
