Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize