dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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