Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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