the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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