He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize