Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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