im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
