just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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