I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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