Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
