I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
