I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
