You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
