I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
