Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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