I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
