I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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