It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
