Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
