i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
