So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
