There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
