Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
