were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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