I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
