okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
