when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
