Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
