My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
