Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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