xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
