I need help removing her.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
