dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
