just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
