were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
