we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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