i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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