just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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