i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
