btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
