Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
