How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
