That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
