Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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