sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
