hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
