im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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