you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fuck appropriateness.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
