This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize