This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
