the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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