90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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