I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
