let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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