at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm like, not good at living.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
