3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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