Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
