If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
