you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I need a beard to bite.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
