I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
