Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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